One year later....
Dear Calvin,
One year ago we said Good bye to our sweet baby boy. One year ago God said enough. One year ago God chose to heal you fully by taking you to heaven. I really didn't know how I would make it to this one year mark. There were days that I missed you so bad all I wanted to do was hold your blankets and smell your smells. I would look through your books and cry. Other days were easier, I was busy and I was able to spend extra time with your brother.
No part of this past year was easy, but by God's grace I made it through! By God's Grace, that is all it is, nothing I did, but everything God did for me. God gave me a peace that helped me through the first few days, peace & strength that kept me going. God gave me healing that helped when I missed you, when I saw other babies and just wanted to run and cry. God gave me everything I needed to get through.
We all still miss you, every single one of us miss you every single day! Not a day goes by where we don't think of you. You will always be in our hearts and thoughts.
Today we spent the day with special friends walking a 4 mile walk to remember you. I struggled when we first began to walk because I knew why we were doing it and when I thought about how you would have loved watching all the people I wanted to cry. I have been doing well the last few days and I know that God is giving me that peace and strength to get through each day.
I will love you forever!
Mommy
Life can throw you curve balls that you weren't expecting, one year ago we got a curve ball that no one can prepare for. The curve ball of all curve balls. This past year has been a growing year for me. It has made me look to God and trust him more. Even when I don't understand why we went through it, or what God has in store for us. Somedays, all I wanted to do was cry. Most days, I was fine, never forgetting my Calvin, but remembering that I still have T and for that I am grateful. This past year has shown me that God doesn't leave us when we go through trials, He does it for our refinement. We are to be continually refined. I know that I am in no way refined to what I should be in Christ, but I am getting there, I am learning daily. Sometimes we need to go through the hardest things to realize that God is all we need.
This hymn has new meaning for me. I'm so thankful for God's sovereignty, and that he holds the future not me.
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone,
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!
I spent many days facing that day because He lives. I don't know how people who don't have a relationship with God to lean on make it through situations like this. I not only learned to lean on God more, but on my husband more. We make a good team and he had strength when I had none.
One year ago we said Good bye to our sweet baby boy. One year ago God said enough. One year ago God chose to heal you fully by taking you to heaven. I really didn't know how I would make it to this one year mark. There were days that I missed you so bad all I wanted to do was hold your blankets and smell your smells. I would look through your books and cry. Other days were easier, I was busy and I was able to spend extra time with your brother.
No part of this past year was easy, but by God's grace I made it through! By God's Grace, that is all it is, nothing I did, but everything God did for me. God gave me a peace that helped me through the first few days, peace & strength that kept me going. God gave me healing that helped when I missed you, when I saw other babies and just wanted to run and cry. God gave me everything I needed to get through.
We all still miss you, every single one of us miss you every single day! Not a day goes by where we don't think of you. You will always be in our hearts and thoughts.
Today we spent the day with special friends walking a 4 mile walk to remember you. I struggled when we first began to walk because I knew why we were doing it and when I thought about how you would have loved watching all the people I wanted to cry. I have been doing well the last few days and I know that God is giving me that peace and strength to get through each day.
I will love you forever!
Mommy
Life can throw you curve balls that you weren't expecting, one year ago we got a curve ball that no one can prepare for. The curve ball of all curve balls. This past year has been a growing year for me. It has made me look to God and trust him more. Even when I don't understand why we went through it, or what God has in store for us. Somedays, all I wanted to do was cry. Most days, I was fine, never forgetting my Calvin, but remembering that I still have T and for that I am grateful. This past year has shown me that God doesn't leave us when we go through trials, He does it for our refinement. We are to be continually refined. I know that I am in no way refined to what I should be in Christ, but I am getting there, I am learning daily. Sometimes we need to go through the hardest things to realize that God is all we need.
This hymn has new meaning for me. I'm so thankful for God's sovereignty, and that he holds the future not me.
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone,
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!
I spent many days facing that day because He lives. I don't know how people who don't have a relationship with God to lean on make it through situations like this. I not only learned to lean on God more, but on my husband more. We make a good team and he had strength when I had none.
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