Openness in Adoption
I ask myself why is it so hard for me to be open in an adoption? Well because I don't want to share my children. Many people will see this as selfish. I look at it this way. If you can have biological kids do you share them with another family, let the other family call them "aunt so & so"? Do you schedule visits with them so they can see your child? No you don't. So why would you expect me to give this lady, yes who did carry my child & allow me to adopt them because they are unable to care for them for whatever reason it may be, all the same rights as any parent or any visits? You gave this child into my care for me to raise trusting and knowing I would make the life for this child. Why shouldn't it be my decision to decide who they spend time with. I get to choose where they go to school, who they play with, what I allow in my home, but an agency is going to tell me I have to let someone I am not comfortable with visit with my child. No, that doesn't work. Yes I am willing to send you pictures & letters to show you that this child you birthed is doing fine and is thriving in our home.
I will never understand the bond between a mother & unborn child. I feel God has given us this freedom to decided about adoption. God does not say in his word you have to be open or closed. Children are to be a blessing from God and no matter how they come to us we are to teach them about God and the gospel.
Yes I do struggle with being open. I honestly don't want an open adoption, but in this world, the only way to do that is to adopt internationally, and I financially cannot afford to adopt internationally. I will always answer any questions my son has, I will never tell him his birth parent didn't love him or that they didn't want him because that isn't true. Yes I tell him God chose him for our family because he fit perfectly just like he chose every child for their family. I hate being turned down or rejected just because I have different beliefs than someone else. So what if I "restrict" how much my child knows and is involved in another family until he is old enough to completely understand. I don't see how being open can make the child feel more "whole" as not being open.
My son is 5, knows he is adopted, and has no problem with the fact that he is adopted. He has never asked if he had other parents, how he was adopted, or what adoption means and until I feel he is able to understand then he doesn't need to know. If he asks questions I answer them, but don't give him too much that he doesn't understand. He knows we are his parents & he is loved beyond measure by all family members. Most people, on the outside, don't even know he is adopted. So we must be doing something right if he doesn't ask, and isn't being pointed out that he is different because he is adopted. Being adopted doesn't mean they are different, it means they are my children. It doesn't matter how they child came into my life.
Agencies push open adoption, where there is a relationship between all involved. They say it is for the best interested of the child. When you adopt an infant you don't know the child yet, when you bring your bio child home from the hospital you don't know their personality or how they will react to things? No you don't, personality comes as they grow. I don't see how this can be for the best interest of the child when you don't even know the child and how they will react to things yet. This to be is in the best interest of the birth parent, it doesn't even take into consideration the interest of the adoptive parents who are promising to raise someone else's child as their own and give them everything that any bio children they would have also had. The adoptive parents become the people who pay 20K plus to adopt this child then they give them everything they can, food, water, a place to live, clothes toys, schooling, sports, college education and ask for nothing from the birth parents. Adoptive parents are so thankful for just the child they were give they don't need anything. But birth parents what so much more and not to just rest in God and know the person they birthed is doing just fine and being taken care of in a way they were unable to do.
These are my feelings and it is ok if you don't agree with me! I am not out to prove you or I right. Just laying my feelings on the line and giving a voice to others out there who may be feeling the same way and don't voice it because it is looked at as wrong or horrible thinking.
I will never understand the bond between a mother & unborn child. I feel God has given us this freedom to decided about adoption. God does not say in his word you have to be open or closed. Children are to be a blessing from God and no matter how they come to us we are to teach them about God and the gospel.
Yes I do struggle with being open. I honestly don't want an open adoption, but in this world, the only way to do that is to adopt internationally, and I financially cannot afford to adopt internationally. I will always answer any questions my son has, I will never tell him his birth parent didn't love him or that they didn't want him because that isn't true. Yes I tell him God chose him for our family because he fit perfectly just like he chose every child for their family. I hate being turned down or rejected just because I have different beliefs than someone else. So what if I "restrict" how much my child knows and is involved in another family until he is old enough to completely understand. I don't see how being open can make the child feel more "whole" as not being open.
My son is 5, knows he is adopted, and has no problem with the fact that he is adopted. He has never asked if he had other parents, how he was adopted, or what adoption means and until I feel he is able to understand then he doesn't need to know. If he asks questions I answer them, but don't give him too much that he doesn't understand. He knows we are his parents & he is loved beyond measure by all family members. Most people, on the outside, don't even know he is adopted. So we must be doing something right if he doesn't ask, and isn't being pointed out that he is different because he is adopted. Being adopted doesn't mean they are different, it means they are my children. It doesn't matter how they child came into my life.
Agencies push open adoption, where there is a relationship between all involved. They say it is for the best interested of the child. When you adopt an infant you don't know the child yet, when you bring your bio child home from the hospital you don't know their personality or how they will react to things? No you don't, personality comes as they grow. I don't see how this can be for the best interest of the child when you don't even know the child and how they will react to things yet. This to be is in the best interest of the birth parent, it doesn't even take into consideration the interest of the adoptive parents who are promising to raise someone else's child as their own and give them everything that any bio children they would have also had. The adoptive parents become the people who pay 20K plus to adopt this child then they give them everything they can, food, water, a place to live, clothes toys, schooling, sports, college education and ask for nothing from the birth parents. Adoptive parents are so thankful for just the child they were give they don't need anything. But birth parents what so much more and not to just rest in God and know the person they birthed is doing just fine and being taken care of in a way they were unable to do.
These are my feelings and it is ok if you don't agree with me! I am not out to prove you or I right. Just laying my feelings on the line and giving a voice to others out there who may be feeling the same way and don't voice it because it is looked at as wrong or horrible thinking.
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