Only God!

Last Monday 12/14 we received a call that we were not chosen again for a baby. We were devastated. This was the 3rd time in 2 years. We thought for sure we would be picked this time. Our hearts were heavy, tears were many, and life seemed hard. We cried, cried, and cried tears of sorrow. We didn't want to start over again. We were tired and ready to quit. We didn't understand why God was allowing us to have more suffering. Our son was tired. I cried out to God, wondering when my time would come. I cried out asking if we could just have an easy situation and it be over. We picked up and moved on...continued with our week as normal. As if nothing had happened, as we normally would each day.

Then it happened. I was scrolling through Facebook, just randomly looking at different things & noticed someone had posted something new in an adoption group I am in. I clicked over just to check it out.  This person was asking if anyone knew of home study ready families that would be interested in adopting a baby boy with heart issues. I messaged them & thought lets check it out. I was born with heart defects, so that didn't really scare me.  Within 10 minutes later I got a phone call from a friend & wasn't real sure why she would be calling because I knew they had a family Christmas tonight. So, thinking it might be something important, I answered.

My friend was so excited & just wanted to tell me about a text she got. She said, "I have to read you this text." As she read I couldn't believe that she was reading me the same situation that I had just saw on Facebook. She finished & I told her I want to know who to contact,  we are interested. At this point my husband didn't have any idea what was going on because he was working. So I contacted my friends friend, who then put me in contact with another lady, who then explained more & put me in contact with an agency that the birth mom was with. In between all that I had a quick conversation with the hubs & he said hang up & call...just call whoever. We still didn't know much at this time.

All these conversations happened while I was at church for quick meet & greet. Good think I new they guy we were suppose to be meeting & greeting because I missed the whole thing. I left so quickly I barley had time to think. I had to get home to send our info to the agency. I did take enough time to stop and confuse everyone that was there in trying to tell them what was going on. As I was leaving a friend stopped me to pray! I have never felt the peace that I felt that night with  any of the other situations we have been involved with. God was right there, his hand was in it, it was his peace I was experiencing.

When talking with the agency we learned that this little boy was born on Dec. 17th. We learned that he had a significant heart defect and would need a 2-3 surgeries. We still were not scared about this & it just seemed to fit. We felt real peace. So I then sent info about us to the agency (this was not the agency we were working with). By this time it was 8:30 pm so I figured we wouldn't hear anything more until morning. I finally explained everything to my hubby & he also had no reservations.

Many friends & family were put on our prayer list. I know there were so many people praying. I know I don't even know who all was praying. We did our best to sleep that night and tried to relax because we had a big day on Sunday, had lots of things going on.

We got up Sunday morning like normal, got ready for church & headed out. It was the kids Christmas program so we wanted to be at church early to make sure we were there before parents. This isn't normal, we usually arrive right on time (thanks to me). We enjoyed the service & Christmas program. I had multiple people ask me if we had heard anything or if there was anything going on. I hadn't heard anything. Once the program was over I checked my phone & saw there was a text & voicemail from the agency. I had to find somewhere quiet. So....I went to the office. I made the phone call. The birth mom wanted to meet us! I was overjoyed. The agency said she was being discharged so if we could come by 3 that would be wonderful. We set up a meeting for 1pm. Before we left church I went to tell a few special people who are amazing prayer warriors. We had to drive an hour to get there so we ran home, told my in-laws that we were not going to be eating with them for lunch, which they were perfectly fine with it. :)

We then drove an hour to meet with the birth mom before she left the hospital. We were so impressed with the agency! Many small details that just left us in awe. None of this was by coincidence, God's hand was in the many details. We met with the birth mom for about an hour, she asked us questions, we asked her a few. Then we left. We got a call about 10 mins after we left the hospital saying she was pretty sure she wanted us as the family for this baby, but wanted to wait until Monday to make a decision. She wanted to talk to her family.

We went back to pick T up from family and talked to all of them about it. Everyone we talked to was so excited about this possibility. When we would tell them about the situation, they would all say....that is perfect, what better family for this baby than one that has been through it. We felt so blessed by all the love, support, and prayers from family, friends & our church family. We tried to sleep again Sunday night, but it was hard. We were so anxious about this possibility. T was also very excited at the thought of being a big brother.

Monday morning came with very little sleep. Around 9:00 I got a text saying the agency would call the birth mom at 10:30 if they didn't hear from her before. Those last few hours became the longest ever. Hubby started nesting, cleaning everything in sight. Finally he said, "she better call soon, I'm running out of things to clean." Haha. He ended up going out & getting the totes of baby clothes to start washing. I had a peace about everything all morning. I never wavered. Finally around 11:30, I decided that I would run into the church & work for a bit. Needed something to do instead of just sitting around the house. Around noon I sent the agency a text to see how things were going, they said well & we should have an answer in an hour.

That hour was very long,  I think a snail ran a race in that time. I finally got a call asking me how I would feel to have a baby for Christmas. I began to cry, I said it would be wonderful. She said, he is yours!!! Papers are signed!! I was so happy. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I typed up a paper for T to read when I got home. Once I got there I told both hubby & T to come out. I had T read the paper. He started reading "I am a BIG BROTHER!!!" He got so excited and jumped around, hubby looked at me & I said he's ours. We both started crying. We stopped right there & thanked God. Only he could make this happen.

There  is no other way to say it... GOD IS AWESOME!!! He is all we ever need. God has perfect timing. With Christmas only 3 days away I am in awe of this amazing gift God has given us this Christmas. I was reminded of this verse: Galatians 4:4 "When the time had fully come, God sent his son, born of a woman, born under the law." God sent his son as a gift for us, we celebrate this gift at Christmas. God sent me a son as a gift! This year we will be celebrating this gift.

We waited a long time, but we had to wait till His time had fully come. Once God's time came, it came so quick we are still spinning. We are so thankful for all the support, love, and help we have been giving through this entire journey. While it isn't over (meaning there will be lots more blogposts due to NICU stay & surgeries), we are thrilled to be starting a new chapter in our life as a family of 4!