Learning to Trust.

Three weeks ago we got a situation about a new Birthmom in Ohio. We had to let our agency know asap if we wanted to be shown to her. We didn't get much information because she hadn't been to an OB yet. She had gone to urgent care to get have a pregnancy test done. She had been referred to the agency by someone at the urgent care. We submitted our profile not knowing what the gender or when the due date. We figured it would turn out just like all the other Birthmom's we have submitted too, wouldn't hear anything for a couple weeks then we would get an update saying she was matched. Then we would move on to the next one.

A week and a half later, when I had written her off as not interested in us, I noticed I missed a call from our agency. We had also put in for a Birthmom who was having a set of twins, secretly I hoped it was about meeting her (I would love twins), but it wasn't. When I returned the call they said Birthmom _____ is wanting to meet with you on Sept 13 (over 2 weeks away). I was shocked. I honestly hadn't expected someone would want to meet with us already. It has only been 6 months that we have been with this new agency and our last agency it was about 15 months before anyone wanted to meet with us. I was excited, but knew I couldn't get too excited because it was still very far away. 

Once T heard me telling my hubby he stated "Maybe this Birthmom will let us adopt her baby." It is so hard to hear him saying this because I know he wants to be a big brother just as much as I want to be a mom again. We then asked for prayers from family and friends. We know these Meet & Greets are nerve wracking on both sides. 

During the next week I found out another couple from our agency, who had only been waiting for 1 month, had been matched with one of the birthmoms we also put in for. I have really struggled this last week because I don't understand why God is allowing someone else to move so quickly and allowing us the pain of waiting to so long. I know he has a plan and in the end I will see his amazing grace through it just like I did when we adopted T and all the struggles we went through then.

 I can look back at T's adoption and see how much of a blessing it was that he didn't allow the girl we were matched with to place her child in our lives. At the time, when the girl chose to parent her child instead of allowing us to adopt her we were devastated. I didn't know how I would move on after being matched with her, spending time with her, and then being in the delivery room. I was a mess. But God and his amazing grace showed me I could move on and one month later we brought T home. Now I can't imagine life with out T and his amazing personality.

Last week, I struggled to see his plan, I struggled to have faith it will work out in His timing. I struggled because I want it to happen in my timing, when I think it is best. I struggled because I want T to know what it is like to share life with a sibling. I even struggled to see if adoption is still what God wants us to do like we originally felt over 2 years ago. I continue to struggle to see all these babies torn apart or just left to die in a dumpster. I think about all the families that would love to have them in their families. 

I know the world is evil, but I also know as I John 4:4 says "..he that is in you (me) is greater than he that is in the world.  I know God is greater & has a greater plan. I am continually learning to trust him more.

I still have a week before we meet this birth mom. I still have a week to wonder what it is that she liked about us. I still have a week to think about everything I want to say and tell her, everything to show her that we will make great parents for her child. I still have a week before I found out what she is having and her actual due date, those don't really matter to us. I still have a week to wonder if she will really like us. I still have a week to think about everything that she won't like about us. I still have a week to go crazy. I still have a week to continually give this meeting up to God and have faith in his plan. 

I am so blessed by what God has given me already in T. I am blessed I get to spend everyday with him and watch him grow. I am blessed I get to teach him and watch him learn new things in school. I am blessed by an amazing husband who loves me, understands me, and puts up with all my crazy mood swings. I am blessed by amazing friends and family that love us and are willing to pray hard for us. I am blessed by friends who are honest with me and love me even though I struggle.