March

March, you mean the 3rd month of the year, already. Wow 2014 is going fast, just like every other year goes fast. Why does it seem that the older you get the faster the year goes even when you slow down to enjoy it. The saying goes "time flies when your having fun" so I guess I am having fun!

T is growing up and turned 5 last month. 5 wow...has it really been that long, seems like just yesterday we brought him home. Now he is growing up, no longer a toddler, getting ready for Kindergarten. He is almost as tall as me! And Superhero's all the way!! Everything he does involves a superhero of some kind in some way. I never knew this much about superheros! 

While T is growing up and time with him just goes by so fast waiting to hear about a new baby goes by so slow. It has been 7 months since we started the search portion of our adoption with our agency and still no word. We have had a couple opportunities that we have put our names into, but have not been chosen. Each no is closer to a yes, I know, easy to say. So hard to understand why we have to wait when all I want it something God gave me a desire for and that is a child. 

Waiting on God's timing isn't easy. I spend my days teaching, playing, and enjoying T, but there is always a question in the back of my mind, "will this be the day?"  Many times during the day I may play in my head a phone call or email we could get.  I think "what if we got a call like we did with T & the baby is already born". That is something so rare I don't think it will happen again, but God can do anything. 

 I am trying to be content with life as it is and somedays I just want to quit the adoption and say forget it. I will just let T be an only child and give him everything I can. I know that isn't the right mindset or the way God wants it. I allow satan to mess with my head.  I am very thankful for God's saving grace for those days and thoughts. 

We are in a position where I have absolutely no control over when and where our child will come. There is nothing I can do to hurry it along or if need be make it slow down, although I don't know if it could get any slower.  This is so hard for me because I want to be doing something to help hurry it along, I just want to be doing something to help. I feel like praying just doesn't help enough or maybe not fast enough. 

I hear of situations of people having abortions and think, if they would just let the baby grow, they can give it to someone who really does want that baby. I feel so sad when I hear another child has died because of an abortion. When will you learn that is killing a baby!!!!  A child someone could be loving on, you could be such a blessing in someone's life if you just let that baby grow then give it up, if you really don't want it, someone does!!!

Ok rant over, sorry

Anyway, just been struggling to see God's will and understand why he is making us wait longer this time. God has given us so much and has provided for us so far that I know he will continue. I will one day look back and realize that God has provided once again and the time won't seem so bad.