Dear Friends.....Thoughts from my heart.
I took this idea from another blog post that was written about International Adoption and added my own thoughts and ideas for Domestic Adoptions.
See the original post her: http://wondermentetc.com/2013/08/02/dear-friends-of-waiting-adoptive-moms-some-things-to-know-also-were-sorry/
Dear friends & family,
1. I Am Adopting, I'm not really crazy, not that much anyway.
Adoption is something very special to my heart. If you knock it I will get offended. I not only feel a call to adopt, but I know I have been adopted into God's family as his child. For that adoption I am so thankful!!! I decided to adopt because I knew I couldn't have kids. To adopt there is lots of paperwork, and lots more paperwork that needs to be filled out. Once you have it all filled out and think you are good, guess again...there is more. So if at times I seem crazy, I'm not, I'm just really tired of signing my life away.
2. What will my child be like?
When a pregnant lady first finds out their pregnant they begin to think and wonder what their child will be like. I do the same, only I wonder on a broader scale: color of skin, will this child fit into my family, will they love me, will they want to know their birth-parents, will we have an open or closed adoption, will I be ok telling them they are adopted, will they hate me when they find out they are adopted. I know these seem like crazy questions and maybe to you they are, but to me they are normal questions that go through my head constantly.
3. I am addicted to my email and phone
For the next few months to years I will be keeping my email and phone close. Please don't get offended if I am checking email or have to cut you off because the agency is calling me. I know that each email and phone call could be a possible child that will be placed in my arms. I am waiting for situations from our agency that will say ( is layman's terms) "Hey we have an expectant mother (EM) with a child...are you interested?" I will want to say YES as soon as possible so I can be looked at by as many EM's as possible to find my forever child. I also believe God has this in his control, but he also wants us to be willing and open to anything he gives us.
4. Adoption isn't pregnancy
The only common thing between adoption and pregnancy is the end result, to have a child you love in your arms. I have NO DUE DATE...think about that, no for sure date when my child will be in my arms. Even if your child comes early or late, you still have a range of months that you can expect to see your child. Mine may take years. It may take less than a pregnancy, but that doesn't make it any easier. It actually makes it harder. If you have ever had a child or longed for a child you know how hard it is to wait for that child to come into your family. Think about how much you have longed for a child then add the unknown of when they will be in your arms. It is a hard thing to even comprehend unless you have gone through an adoption or have been close to someone who has.
5. I don't know if my child will come home.
Not only do I not know when God will put a child into my arms, but once he allows us to be selected and chosen by an EM, there is no guarantee that I will bring this child home. In our state, every EM has 3 days to change her mind. Then when she signs papers and we are able to bring the child home, if there is an unknown father, the child must be on a list for 30 days in case he would happen to think he may have a child. After that 30 days we have to wait 6 months before we can be a legal family. In our eyes, we are a family as soon as God places them in our arms, but you still have to go through the red tape.
6. I really don't want to hear all your bad adoption stories.
If you tell me an adoption story about your cousins, 2nd cousin's co worker & how they lost their baby to the child's great-grandmother, I will listen. But don't expect me to have sympathy. I have my own bad adoption stories and really don't want to relive them by what you are telling me. I know the heartache of failed adoptions and the joy of a completed one! I have friends that have adopted, I have heard their stories and grieved with them, I have also rejoiced with them. I don't mind listening to them, but please keep the stories to one or two.
7. I look brave
Honestly, I may look brave on the outside, I am trying to be brave on the inside, but all I may want to do is cry. I want to be able to feel a child kick, hear their heartbeat in the womb, tell my husband we are going to have a child. I know that I will never, on this side of heaven feel those things, and once I get to heaven it won't matter. God has given me strength that I never knew I had. I am like Sarah, Hannah, and many others in the Bible that prayed for a child. God has heard my prayer and blessed us with a son, but not in the way those wonderful women of the Bible received a child. I am thankful for my son and if that is all God ever gives us I will learn to be content. I am also yearning for another child.
8. I am emotional
Through this entire journey my emotions will be on one crazy rollercoster. When we are shown to EM's I will be on a cautious high. I will do my best to not get my hopes up, but I wear my heart on my sleeve and I will anyway. I will then be devastated when we are not chosen. This will happen multiple times and I will do the same each time. I will be on a greater high when we are chosen, but may also be talking as if it is no big deal because I want to also try and not get too excited in case the EM changes her mind at the end and decides to parent. When this happens, and I say when because it happened in our last adoption and is a huge possibility please pray for my strength and healing. I will recover and I will return to normal, but it may take a while. Think of it as an emotional miscarriage. I know that may not be the politically correct way to say it, but it is how I say it. Once we are matched and we have brought the child home. Rejoice with us!
9. " We're waiting"
This is an answer, we do not know more than this when I say "we are waiting". As I said before, we do not always know when it is going to happen or even if it will happen.
10. I will always take a hug!!!
During this time I will never turn down a hug, but also be prepared for emotions to flow!
From the bottom of my heart,
Lori
See the original post her: http://wondermentetc.com/2013/08/02/dear-friends-of-waiting-adoptive-moms-some-things-to-know-also-were-sorry/
Dear friends & family,
1. I Am Adopting, I'm not really crazy, not that much anyway.
Adoption is something very special to my heart. If you knock it I will get offended. I not only feel a call to adopt, but I know I have been adopted into God's family as his child. For that adoption I am so thankful!!! I decided to adopt because I knew I couldn't have kids. To adopt there is lots of paperwork, and lots more paperwork that needs to be filled out. Once you have it all filled out and think you are good, guess again...there is more. So if at times I seem crazy, I'm not, I'm just really tired of signing my life away.
2. What will my child be like?
When a pregnant lady first finds out their pregnant they begin to think and wonder what their child will be like. I do the same, only I wonder on a broader scale: color of skin, will this child fit into my family, will they love me, will they want to know their birth-parents, will we have an open or closed adoption, will I be ok telling them they are adopted, will they hate me when they find out they are adopted. I know these seem like crazy questions and maybe to you they are, but to me they are normal questions that go through my head constantly.
3. I am addicted to my email and phone
For the next few months to years I will be keeping my email and phone close. Please don't get offended if I am checking email or have to cut you off because the agency is calling me. I know that each email and phone call could be a possible child that will be placed in my arms. I am waiting for situations from our agency that will say ( is layman's terms) "Hey we have an expectant mother (EM) with a child...are you interested?" I will want to say YES as soon as possible so I can be looked at by as many EM's as possible to find my forever child. I also believe God has this in his control, but he also wants us to be willing and open to anything he gives us.
4. Adoption isn't pregnancy
The only common thing between adoption and pregnancy is the end result, to have a child you love in your arms. I have NO DUE DATE...think about that, no for sure date when my child will be in my arms. Even if your child comes early or late, you still have a range of months that you can expect to see your child. Mine may take years. It may take less than a pregnancy, but that doesn't make it any easier. It actually makes it harder. If you have ever had a child or longed for a child you know how hard it is to wait for that child to come into your family. Think about how much you have longed for a child then add the unknown of when they will be in your arms. It is a hard thing to even comprehend unless you have gone through an adoption or have been close to someone who has.
5. I don't know if my child will come home.
Not only do I not know when God will put a child into my arms, but once he allows us to be selected and chosen by an EM, there is no guarantee that I will bring this child home. In our state, every EM has 3 days to change her mind. Then when she signs papers and we are able to bring the child home, if there is an unknown father, the child must be on a list for 30 days in case he would happen to think he may have a child. After that 30 days we have to wait 6 months before we can be a legal family. In our eyes, we are a family as soon as God places them in our arms, but you still have to go through the red tape.
6. I really don't want to hear all your bad adoption stories.
If you tell me an adoption story about your cousins, 2nd cousin's co worker & how they lost their baby to the child's great-grandmother, I will listen. But don't expect me to have sympathy. I have my own bad adoption stories and really don't want to relive them by what you are telling me. I know the heartache of failed adoptions and the joy of a completed one! I have friends that have adopted, I have heard their stories and grieved with them, I have also rejoiced with them. I don't mind listening to them, but please keep the stories to one or two.
7. I look brave
Honestly, I may look brave on the outside, I am trying to be brave on the inside, but all I may want to do is cry. I want to be able to feel a child kick, hear their heartbeat in the womb, tell my husband we are going to have a child. I know that I will never, on this side of heaven feel those things, and once I get to heaven it won't matter. God has given me strength that I never knew I had. I am like Sarah, Hannah, and many others in the Bible that prayed for a child. God has heard my prayer and blessed us with a son, but not in the way those wonderful women of the Bible received a child. I am thankful for my son and if that is all God ever gives us I will learn to be content. I am also yearning for another child.
8. I am emotional
Through this entire journey my emotions will be on one crazy rollercoster. When we are shown to EM's I will be on a cautious high. I will do my best to not get my hopes up, but I wear my heart on my sleeve and I will anyway. I will then be devastated when we are not chosen. This will happen multiple times and I will do the same each time. I will be on a greater high when we are chosen, but may also be talking as if it is no big deal because I want to also try and not get too excited in case the EM changes her mind at the end and decides to parent. When this happens, and I say when because it happened in our last adoption and is a huge possibility please pray for my strength and healing. I will recover and I will return to normal, but it may take a while. Think of it as an emotional miscarriage. I know that may not be the politically correct way to say it, but it is how I say it. Once we are matched and we have brought the child home. Rejoice with us!
9. " We're waiting"
This is an answer, we do not know more than this when I say "we are waiting". As I said before, we do not always know when it is going to happen or even if it will happen.
10. I will always take a hug!!!
During this time I will never turn down a hug, but also be prepared for emotions to flow!
From the bottom of my heart,
Lori
I love this post Lori - here's my 'hug' to you - thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeletelike. waiting to find out if you God has another baby for is soooo hard. God bless your journey.
ReplyDeleteThanks Ladies!!
ReplyDelete