Our Journey Through Life

Dear Calvin, One year ago we said Good bye to our sweet baby boy. One year ago God said enough. One year ago God chose to heal you fully by taking you to heaven. I really didn't know how I would make it to this one year mark. There were days that I missed you so bad all I wanted to do was hold your blankets and smell your smells. I would look through your books and cry. Other days were easier, I was busy and I was able to spend extra time with your brother. No part of this past year was easy, but by God's grace I made it through! By God's Grace, that is all it is, nothing I did, but everything God did for me. God gave me a peace that helped me through the first few days, peace & strength that kept me going. God gave me healing that helped when I missed you, when I saw other babies and just wanted to run and cry. God gave me everything I needed to get through. We all still miss you, every single one of us miss you every single day! Not a day goes by where we don...

Waiting is hard for me, it always has been. I am a very impatient person. I believe God is working on my impatience and teaching me to wait gracefully. I fail every day! Waiting in an adoption is a different kind of waiting. This waiting not only stretches your patience, but it stretches your faith. Being in the waiting process of adoption is were I struggle the most. I am trying to wait in faith, but as I said I fail daily. With adoption waiting can take 3 weeks or over 100, we don't know when our wait will end. Just like we as believers are waiting to be reunited with Christ, we don't know when that wait will end. There are days when I'm ready to just say I'm done so the wait can be over. Somedays, I get so busy I somewhat forget we are waiting, these are the days I love because I'm not focused on waiting. This October we are not only waiting in adoption, but we are awaiting the 1 year anniversary of Calvin's death. This wait is not so easy. Waiting for th...

Dear Calvin, Mother's day is fast approaching and I am missing your more than normal. It's hard to believe you have been in heaven or 6 months now. At times it seems like just yesterday you left & other times it seems like years. The hardest part about you being gone is that all we have are memories. Your sweet smile, cute laugh, and orneriness are missed daily. You were & still are such a blessing to our family.   This Mother's Day will be harder than the past few years. As I see 1st time moms or moms who have had a new baby recently I remember last year and how special that Mother's Day was. I had my boys and I was happy.  You and T made it the best. Even though you didn't know what Mother's Day was yet, just having you in my arms made it wonderful.  Not having you around this year will be different. A lot has been different with out you. Our schedule has changed, no more medicine, nightly feedings, diaper changes, doctors visits, and much...